This was a little personal but felt I needed to share my story with others going through a similar experience. Everyone comes from different backgrounds, cultures, and family dynamics. We are not the cookie cutter family. We are unique and special in our own way. I decided to share to encourage others who don’t have their biological parent(s) in their life. To let you know its okay to feel all of the feelings you are experiencing. If you’re going through something similar. I am here for you.
Whenever someone would mention or ask where my father was I would cringe. I felt like at times I didn’t fit in especially when I would see other families that looked picture perfect with both their parents in the picture. I always wanted that for myself. I wanted a father that was proud of his daughter. When I was little I couldn’t wait to get married and have a husband that would love me unconditionally and never leave my side. Who would be supportive and always be there through life trials and triumphs. I got all that and so much more with my Tony. God really has blessed me with him. My mom had both her parents growing up so she couldn’t relate even when she tried too. It was hard on me and my brother growing up without a father in our everyday lives. Sure we had Uncles and even our Grandfather there, they stepped up to the plate as a father-figure. But no one truly understands what one feels when your parent isn’t in your life. One day my aunt had told me she had found my father. I was surprised – a bit numb. I didn’t know what to say, I was at a loss for words. My immediate reaction was that I didn’t care or so I thought. Moments later I began to feel curious… Then a day or so later I began to tear up I had realized all of the times I needed him and all of the milestones he missed out on. My aunt began telling me she had already messaged him about me and sent some pictures his way. Well after him and I exchanged messages. I felt like meeting would be the next step. I was at a good place in my life that I could handle whatever the outcome was. He had planned on coming in September. But since my aunt was traveling to Dallas anyway I felt like this would be the perfect scenario to meet sooner. We set up a meeting in his hometown of Dallas. Meeting him raised feelings I didn’t know existed. I looked at him and I saw myself. It was really an incredible feeling. My father the one who gave me life was standing in front of me. For years I had accepted being fatherless was a part of who I was. I was numb to it and on May 25, 2018 I was able to stand face to face with him. We hugged and took some pictures. Then we went to have lunch at a restaurant by the harbor near Dallas. He was the missing puzzle piecx, because he was my father and I was curious about who he was for many years. I was able to tell him I had forgiven him, something we both needed peace with. Sometimes we question why things happen the way they do. The simple answer is God has other plans. His plan is always perfect even if it can cause us pain throughout the journey or when we can’t make any sense of it. I am grateful and happy about this new chapter in my life.
The advice I have for those who are going through something similar is to have an open heart. Don’t make assumptions and automatically assume your father or mother are bad people because you felt they abandoned you. Give them a chance. I found out my father was really sweet, a gentleman with a big heart for everyone. Not the person I had assumed, before I had known about him. I don’t have any resentment or anger about the past. Also, don’t listen to anyones advice but your own. Meeting a family member is a personal decision. No one can tell you whats right or wrong only you can make that choice. I was lucky enough to have family and friends supportive and encouraging throughout it all.
For any questions please feel free to inbox me. I may or may not answer all of the questions.